12 11 09 Rockets @ Sixers

I promise, after tonight, I’ll get over the Iverson thing and just start writing more about the team again. I promise. I wasn’t able to come to the game here on Wednesday, but i did come Monday, Iverson Day. It was completely sold out. A huge change from the normal 11,000 or so who are here. It was exciting.

This was what the Iverson signing, at least in part was supposed to do. It was supposed to “put butts in the seats.” And it did that on Monday night. I don’t know the financials of it all, but I have to guess the game on Monday night might have done a large part in paying for the Iverson signing by itself. I didn’t come on Wednesday night, I was out seeing New Moon, but that’s a different story that I won’t get into here. I’m also on Team Jacob. Look at his abs. LOOK AT THEM! Anyway, back to the Sixers.

Well, I’ll tell you, I get here about the same time every game. I sit down about 20 minutes before tip-off. The crowd tonight looks like every other crowd we’ve had here. 2 games later (and from what I hear, Wednesday as well), we’re back to the normal crowds at the Sixes. WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE?! This is what you wanted. You wanted Iverson. Win or lose, you wanted Iverson. You said you’d come watch the Prodigal Son come home and play basketball, so do it. I always said, winning makes people show up. Winning makes people care. It can only be so exciting if you don’t win. But for 2 weeks, fans argued the other way around. It’s your turn. Come to the games.

In other news, the Houston Rockets have signed Jacob’s Abs (press conference photo, look at it) to a 10 day contract to help “put butts in the seats.” He’ll come off the bench and play some shooting guard and some point guard. He’s got no arms and no legs, so no one is sure how effective he can be. We shall see.

In actual basketball news, the two teams playing tonight couldn’t be going in different directions. The Sixers, my beloved Sixers, have lost 12 games in a row. The Rockets have won 4 of 5, and are coming off a win against the Cavs. Something tells me if the Rockets were going to add Jacob’s Abs to the squad for this game, the Sixers should have de-activated Royal Ivey and signed Edward’s Sparkle for the game. Nothing to lose, they’d have nothing to lose.

1st Quarter

12:00 Look at Jacob’s abs on the bench for the Rockets. This guy means business. Everything he does is in slow motion. He just keeps taking his jersey off and offering it to people who are sweating, bleeding, whatever. Any excuse to take his jersey off. It just kind of hangs, as he has no legs, no arms, and no head.

12:00 I’ve been saving my Dalembert fury since Monday. when he gives me the chance, I will unleash hell.

11:40 NICE! Right away. Sammy drops an easy rebound. I’m convinced that Samuel Dalembert has cheeseburgers for hands. No thumbs, no fingers, nothing. That’s why he can’t hang on to the ball. It’s the only excuse.

10:59 Wow, Luis Scola looks like a real scumbag. I’ll never get the “basketball players with long hair” bit.

10:00 There is a chance, A CHANCE, that the one guy that Iverson could make better is Iguodala. This as Iverson throws him an alley-oop. I always think Iguodala is a better player when he just takes fewer shots. I think he’d be a better 15 point scorer on a few less shots than the 18 point scorer he is. Fewer jump shots, more dunks.

7:35 Iguodala hits a jump shot and leaves his hand in the air after it goes through the hoop. He does this, or some version of this, every time he makes a shot. I’ve never seen someone celebrate EVERY SINGLE BASKET the way he does. Each and every one. Sixers up 13-5.

6:40  With the Rockets down 8, you’ve got to wonder when they’ll bring Jacob’s Abs off the bench for a shot of adrenaline. Let’s see what this guy can do.

6:08 A nice move from Thaddeus Young, who has been a different player for the last 6 or 7 games. He started this season confused, but it’s nice to see him get some kind of a rhythm and confidence back. I can’t help but wonder what the team would be playing like with Speights and Williams AND  Young playing well.

5:02 The Sixers are up 18-5, and I can’t help but think about the last two times I saw the Sixers up early on good teams at home. The game against the Suns and the game against the Nuggets. Neither ended well. Mostly because of bad shot selection and a loss of concentration on defense.

4:28 After a Brand rebound and put-back with a foul, the Rockets bring Jacob’s Abs off the bench. He’s just lying there. He he’s got no legs. An assistance coach picks him up and drops him mid court. He’s just lying there. This is awkward.

3:53 Iguodala throws a nice alley-oop to Thaddeus Young, and promptly celebrates. This one looked like the Tiger Woods Fist Pump. Not to be confused with the Jersey Shore Fist Pump. Still, all three of them make you look like an asshole.

2:44 The Rockets take Jacob’s Abs out of the game, as three of their own players trip on the lifeless abs sitting at the middle of the court. We’ve yet to find out how the Iverson Experiment will end, but we do know how the Jacob’s Abs Experiment will end. He complained as they took him out of the game. Even though he has no mouth. Sixers are up 26-10.

1:56 A foul on Brezek after he gets caught out of position this Sixers decided to double LUIS SCOLA down low. Great decision. Let me tell you something, if Elton Brand can’t handle Luis Scola by himself, we’re in worse trouble than it seems. And after 12 losses in a row, IT SEEMS LIKE WE’RE IN PRETTY BAD TROUBLE.

1:21 Note, Iverson came out of the game with about 5 minutes left in the quarter and has not returned. Jordan said he’d be limited to 32-35 minutes tonight. Easier to do, now that Jrue Holiday is back from an injury.

2nd Quarter Sixers – 29 Rockets – 19

You might wonder how the Sixers are up 10, because I am. They’ve played alright, but not particularly well. The Sixers are shooting 48 percent, the Rockets are shooting 35 percent. Neither is likely to continue. I don’t know that the Rockets percentage is due to any kind of real defensive intensity from the Sixers. We’ll check back on this at halftime.

10:52 Iverson, still not in the game. CHECK THAT. Here he comes. Jacob’s Abs still brooding on the Rockets bench. You may ask, how do I know he’s brooding, as he has no head or face. I can see it in his body language. GET IT? HAHAHAHA! Because he’s a body… And… Ok. Fine. Stopping.

9:59 Iverson, after only 2 games does look quicker and in better shape than in the Nuggets game.

9:14 New guy delivering Sixers stat sheets. Young guy in a suit. Trips while delivering said stat sheets. Looks around to see if anyone saw him. Pure panic. I saw you buddy. I’m gonna meet you in the middle. You want me to ignore it, I want to bust out laughing. I’ll make eye contact and smile and move on. Don’t let it happen again.

8:32 Sixers up 35-26. Rockets now shooting 45 percent to the Sixers 47 percent.

8:01 Allen Iverson dribbles around for 15 seconds then shoots an off-balance fadeaway from 12 feet that touches nothing at all. Welcome back AI!

7:20 Dalembert has his third foul. It’s about 4 minutes too late, but it’s here. If you can count on anything, it’s Sammy to deliver personal fouls. One day, when they change the rules, and PF’s are worth 10 points, Sammy will be golden. Sixers up 35-30.

6:43 Jason Kapono hits a 19 footer from Brand. Jason Kapono doesn’t do much else well besides shoot, but I’ll tell you, he does that well. He doesn’t need much room. Not shooting terribly well this year, but you can definitely tell it’s there.

6:28 Jason Smith checks in, and is on the court at the same time as Jason Kapono. This creates a problem for me, as they are just different size versions of the same guy. I always expect Smith to pick up Kapono, and hold him mini-me style.

5:53 Iverson hits two shots in a row, and the crowd goes nuts. I like actually hearing the crowd here. Sixers up 41-31.

5:40 DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin are at the game, introduced to the crowd and get a big pop. Jackson appears confused and is throwing up into a bucket he brings with him everywhere he goes. He does have an Eagles representative with him who claims he’s fine and healed from the concussion and will play on Sunday. (this is a joke, he looks fine)

5:16 Jacob’s Abs are on the bench screaming that he can guard Iverson. Very quietly, because he’s got no mouth. Sixers up 41-35.

3:15 Luis Scola, still looks like a creep, and scores with a jump hook over Brand. Gross. Sixers lead slipping away, up 43-39.

1:50 Iverson checks out for the half. 3/8 for 8 points, 2 boards and 2 assists. The only thing so far I don’t like, is that when he’s got the ball, the guys tend to stand around and watch. Sixers up 47-41.

:22 Sixers only up 49-46 after a Battier 3-pointer. I’m telling you, the thing that makes me nervous about this game is that the reason the Rockets are losing, is the Rockets. They’re shooting poorly. This is not because of good defense from the Sixers.

HALFTIME Sixers – 51 Rockets – 48

The cookie situation has become dire, I’m going to be honest.

There haven’t been cookies in several games. It’s true, cookies are not why I got into this. I got into this to write and watch basketball. But once again, there were no cookies in the press room.

I feel like a broken man. 12 losses in a row and no cookies. There WERE chips along with the popcorn, but not one cookie. I’m not going to lie and say I’m not disappointed. What did we do wrong to have the cookies taken away? Is it a money thing? I’ve never been so sad.

Also, Rockets only down 3, and are now shooting 46% to the Sixers 42%. Like Hubie Brown said, you want to shoot for a high percentage, and keep the other team from shooting at a high percentage. It’s basic, but it’s true. This game will probably come down to the last 5 minutes, and the shots the Sixers take and how they execute on defense. It’ll be interesting to see at what point Iverson just decides he’s able to try and dominate the end of a game, and whether he can.

3rd Quarter Sixers – 51 Rockets – 48

11:00 Sam Dalembert misses a running hook shot. That happened. That really happened. Sam Dalembert, in a close game against a good team, took a running hook shot, with Andre Iguodala, Allen Iverson and Elton Brand on the floor. All uninjured. I’m hurting my neck from shaking my head so much. Then a Sammy goaltend and we lose the lead. The Dalemstruction has begun. The point in the game where Dalembert makes so many bad plays in a row, he literally blows the game all by himself. He also saved the ball from going in bounds to the other team under his own basket. All of this happened. By the time I finished this, we’re tied at 52.

8:22 The Sixers are down 56-54 and the crowd is making that sound you usually only hear at a basketball game. It SOUNDS like fear. The sound that you know the game is slipping away, and you just want someone to make it stop. It’s not booing, it’s fear. Clearly, these people aren’t at games often. We usually make the “here we go again” noise here.

6:55 Iverson turns the ball over and it turns into an easy Ariza layup. The crowd would normally boo here, but it was Iverson, who they came to see. They collectively make the “wait a minute, didn’t we come here to see him?” noise.  Rockets up 60-54.

6:12 Trevor Ariza hits a three to put the Rockets up 9. The Rockets are now shooting 49% to our 39%.

5:30 Aaron Brooks hits a three to put the Rockets up 12. The Rockets are now shooting 50% to our 39%. I harp on this, because it’s because as usual, The Sixers don’t play defense, and take bad shots. Too many jump shots. This is what happens.

4:40 Dalembert dunks the ball, and I resent him for it. I resent him because I know in his mind, he feels good about himself.

3:27 Aaron Brooks hits a 3-pointer with 1 second left on the shot clock. If you can have a dagger in the 3rd quarter, that felt like one. I’m sorry this is not funny and is so negative. I need to see a win. We all do. I like these players, well everyone except Dalembert. I want them to win. I want to feel better about it. Wait, I know what to do. Just look at this. Ok, all better.

2:46 Time out on the floor, Sixers down 11. This is when they get a bunch of little kids on the court, and make them go chase down basketballs, and the first one to get a bucket wins. It’s a bunch of little girls this time. Then they play Paolo Nutini’s “New Shoes,” because the winner gets new shoes. And it makes me happy, because I love that tune.

2:46 KISS CAM! Come on. Give me something here. Give me the two dudes in Rockets gear!!! Come on! Awkward not-a-date! Come on! Nothing. Swing and a miss. NOTHING!

2:28 Iverson comes back in. PLEASE ALLEN SAVE THIS GAME.

2:03 Just noticed the overly excited, overly positive Sixers fans behind me who have been cheering the whole game are the Hare Raisers. Figures.

1:35 NASTY! Brand dunks on Landry. That was disgusting. Check ESPN tomorrow for that. UGLY UGLY UFLY. Sixers within 10. Elton’s not having a great game, but he’s got 13 and 6.

:18 Iverson misses a 3, and is 3/11 for 8 points. They have Willie Green running the point, to free up Iverson to score. Not working. Iverson takes a lot of jump shots. This is what guards do as they get older. The great ones become great jump shooters, like Bryant and Jordan. Iverson is not a great jump shooter.

4th Quarter Sixers – 64 Rockets – 76

The only way the Sixers win this game is if someone on the Sixers goes nuts offensive, or if the Rockets go dead-cold offensively. The Sixers are defending poorly, and playing a lot of one man game stuff offensively.

11:33 Brand hits a nice mini-hook bringing the Sixers to within 10, and Jacob’s Abs taunt him from the bench. They T’d up the abs, and kicked him out of the game. The abs tried to head to the showers, but it was difficult, being that he has no legs. They carried him to the showers, where he lies motionless. Still in his jersey.

10:02 HOW DOES JASON BUDINGER GET TO THE HOOP SO EASILY!? PLAY DEFENSE! HIT HIM! SHOOT HIM! I DON’T CARE, DO SOMETHING! Rockets up 81-68.

9:23 Iverson hits his second straight shot and gets fouled. This is the chance. Right here, Iverson getting hot and getting a couple of stops on the other end. This is the only chance, and it can only really happen with just a little bit of defense. And a little bit of love. And incredible abs. Sixers down 9.

8:35 Brand hits a jumper from Green. Sixers to within 7. Then get another stop on the defensive end. Then the GIRL delivering the stats almost falls down. I do not mock her, as she is here every week. I’ll never get stats again. These are the most dangerous press steps in the country.

7:40 Ariza hits a three. He was wide open. Note to the Sixers, Trevor Ariza is a good 3-point shooter. Another missed defensive rotation. Every game. Every single game the other team is wide open for threes. Sixers down 11.

That’s it. I can’t do it anymore. As an act of protest, instead of blogging the rest of this game, I’m posting pictures of dogs in wigs and naming them. I’m going to name them after the Sixers players. So this is the Sixers, if they were dogs wearing wigs.

Royal

Elton

Andre

Willie

Time out, can you imagine if another member of the press sees my computer screen right now? He sees me looking at picture after picture of dogs with wigs. Sixers have pulled to within 7. If it gets more interesting I’ll let you know. Back to our regularly scheduled program.

Samuel

Jason

Ok, back to the game.

2:33 Sixers to within 4 on an Iverson free throw, and we’re close with less than 5 minutes left. Somehow, earlier in the blog, I was right about this one. One out of 10 ain’t bad. It’s all about defense and if Iverson can make things happen on the other end. I think it’ll be in his hands.

2:12 Willie Green with a running jumper at the top of the key. Probably not the shot we were looking for. I hope not.

2:01 Dalembert gets his 4th foul. You may wonder why that took so long. Well, Sammy didn’t play much in the 3rd quarter. If anyone could have gotten a PF while on the bench though, it would have been Sammy. It’ll be like the Hextall goal. He’ll be the first player to get a personal foul from the bench. Sixers down 7.

1:16 Sixers get a stop, and Sammy promptly shoots the ball directly off the backboard. No rim. The ball gets saved, Iverson nails a jumper. Sixers within 3. Crowd goes wild.

:50 Sixers get a stop. HERE WE GO. Brand takes an ill-advised jumper from the top of the key. It’s “Everyone’s A Hero” night at the Wachovia Center.

:10 Aaron Brooks hits a jumper, and nails the actual dagger, putting the Rockets up 5. He hit the fake dagger in the 3rd, and the real dagger in the 4th.

FINAL Sixers – 91 Rockets – 96

Same problems as every game. Iverson or no Iverson. My only choice is to leave you with…

Eddie Jordan

12 07 09 Nuggets @ Sixers – The Return Of Allen Iverson

Life is about moments.

You don’t really realize this until you get out of school and you live life for a while, because that’s when things stop changing so much. It’s when you get some time to “stop and smell the roses” as they say. As much, it’s when you start to realize that most of life is pretty boring. Most of life, even for the most exciting lives, is about getting up and doing the same exact thing, every single day. It’s only depressing if you miss the moments.

People do their best to try and save moments with the technology we have. Digital cameras, flip video cameras, flash recorders, even Twitter and Facebook on some level are attempts to take a moment, and make it forever. It doesn’t work. You can look at the picture, you can listen to the recording, you can watch the video, but nothing really makes you feel like that moment.

Sports are two things to me. Sports are sports for the sake of sports, and sports are a reflection on life. When I write about sports, I like to compare it to regular, every day, life occurences, because that’s how I can convey how I feel during them. That’s how I explain the moments. Sports, like, life, are mostly the same every day. Most football games are like all other football games, just like most of your work days are like most of your other work days. In a more general sense, most of your work days are even like most everyone else’s work days. Most games are just games. Most shots are just shots. But sometimes, games have moments, and that’s why we watch.

This blog isn’t about the game, because the game didn’t matter tonight. For a lot of reasons, but tonight’s game didn’t matter. Win or lose, there wasn’t a ton we were going to learn.

I wasn’t terribly in favor of bringing Allen Iverson back to the Sixers. It’s not because I don’t like Allen Iverson, or I don’t think he’s a good player. It’s not because I don’t want him to succeed, or I don’t think it will make the team better this season. I just didn’t think it was the right move for the future. None of that mattered tonight, because tonight I chose to watch this game like a fan. This was one of those nights when I was expecting a moment, and I got one.

I have to say, I was kind of off-balance from the start tonight, because there were people in the building. I’ve been to almost every Sixers home game this season, and to feel a buzz in the building, and people in the stands, was borderline shocking. I almost felt like I woke up one morning and my favorite band had a hit song. You know, on a lot of levels you’re happy for and their success, but on another you just want to scream “YOU KNOW, I WAS HERE LAST WEEK,” from the rafters.

As the moment got closer when they were going to introduce the team, something started to happen. I started to feel the moment coming. It was one of those special moments, when everyone was expecting it, and it still happened. When it wasn’t a let down. As the clocked near the 2:00 mark till the start of the game, the Sixers put an Allen Iverson highlight video on the big screen. Along with it, you could hear quotes from Iverson about Philadelphia, the fans, and what his return would mean. I couldn’t hear exactly what he said, because the thunder of the crowd was louder than the sound system. It was all the highlights you’ve seen a million times, the Jordan crossover, the Tyrone Lue crossover, but it was different this time. It was special.

As the video was playing, I felt something else. I started to get choked up. For a moment it felt like this meant as much to him, as it did to everyone else in the building. To welcome back someone who you remembered so fondly. To forget, at least for that moment, everything that went wrong and led to the separation. It happens in life, with a sibling you’ve had a fight that’s lasted too long with, with a girl you broke up with, and tried that one last time to get back together, that moment of reuniting, where everything that was wrong no longer mattered. I felt it, and everyone else felt it too. I’m a dude, and I was with other dudes, so I held back whatever tears were brewing, but they were there.

The Nuggets introductions were first, and then the lights went out. Then you knew it was coming, and within me, and within everyone, it was still brewing. Finally, you heard “from Georgetown…” and you could barely hear the rest. As Iverson ran to the center of the court to kiss the logo of the team that traded him away years ago, an actual tear formed in my eye, and I wiped it away before it could fall. I swear if I was standing alone they’d be streaming down my face. I can’t tell you exactly why, because it was probably a combination of the entire situation. A lot about Iverson of course, and even some feeling seeing the building full and cheering for the Sixers. Whatever it was, for that moment it was too much for me. In a good way. It was one of the moments that you live for. One of the moments that no picture, no recording, could ever bring you back to.

You almost wanted it to end right there. You knew, deep down, that no matter what happens this season, short of Allen Iverson somehow miraculously leading the Sixers to the most improbable championship in sports history, that this moment wasn’t going to be topped. You didn’t want to see if he was human, or as good as he used to be. Even if he took the ball off the opening tip, crossed Billups over and dunked it on Anthony, it wasn’t going to get as good as that moment.

The best thing about this moment, or any subsequent moment you experience, is that nothing that happens after it can take it away. It can’t be erased. Even if you find out it was a lie, it still happened, and you still felt it. Tonight, a basketball game and a basketball player reminded me of what’s good about life. A terrible basketball team, and an undersized, older, shooting guard reminded me of why sports is able to sometimes teach you about life. The same way a great book can teach you about life

Tonight, we welcomed Allen Iverson back to Philadelphia. And for me, that was a metaphor for anyone having the grace, courage and heart to let anyone or anything back in your life. For that courage, we here in Philadelphia were awarded with a reason to live life. A moment.

11 28 09 This Isn’t 2001, Allen Iverson Doesn’t Help

I don’t want this to come off the wrong way. I remember Allen Iverson the same way you do. I remember 2001. I remember the little guy who led us to the Finals, and the Game 1 win against the Lakers. I remember the playing while hurt, take all comers, just give me the ball and get out of the way Iverson. I remember all of that. I’ll even forget the stuff about practice, or lack there off, the off the court nonsense. I’ll just remember the good. I mean, it was just 8 years ago.

Wait, 8 years ago is a long time ago. A really long time ago.

Especially in sports. 8 years can mean the difference between a guy who is a rookie, and a guy who is in his prime, like Lebron James. Or 8 years can mean the difference between a guy who is IN his prime, and then is past it, way past it, like Allen Iverson. The worst part here, is that the guy doesn’t know it.

In this case, those 8 years meant an unceremonious departure from Philadelphia for Allen Iverson, a Nuggets team that only got better after he left, a Pistons team that found him so disruptive they chose to pay him and not play him, and a Memphis team that decided he wasn’t worth the agony, and actually released him. Most of the problems don’t deal with Iverson’s eroded skills, but with his attitude toward those eroded skills. It might be true that AI has “a lot left in the tank,” as he said through his high pitched mouth piece, Stephen A. Smith, but he doesn’t have nearly as much in the tank as he thinks he does, and that’s the problem.

Would bringing back Iverson for one last season, and watch him go out a Sixer, as he gives us his last burst of cross overs, and drives to the hole without fear, and then retires, be awesome? Sure. It would be glorious, right? He comes in and saves the Sixers from a lost season, scores 28 points a game, and maybe even leads us to a playoff win. He tutors Lou Williams about how to play the point, even when you’re naturally a 2 guard. He tutors Jrue Holiday on how to be tough, and how to be a leader. That’s the dream scenario, and it’s not realistic. He had no desire to tutor the guards in Memphis, just like he has no desire to tutor anyone here. This is not an aging veteran going out gracefully. This is an aging veteran trying to fight time. Allen Iverson doesn’t give up a fight easily, even when it’s the wrong fight. That’s why we love him, but that’s why this is a bad idea.

Not to mention, this doesn’t help the team. It does nothing to help the Sixers become a better basketball team in the future. Name one player that Allen Iverson has helped grow. Name one. This means less minutes for Jrue Holiday. It actually means less minutes for everyone who is young and needs time to grow. It means fewer minutes for Lou Williams when he returns. It means a grumpy Allen Iverson when Lou Williams returns and gets some of his minutes and shots. Remember, Lou Williams is one of the bright spots of this season so far. It retards the growth of the young players. It does. Even if it means 6 more wins, maybe 10 more wins, what does that do for next season? It doesn’t do anything. It means we get another 17th pick in the draft instead of a potential lottery pick. It does everything to keep this organization mired in the middle-of-the-pack disaster that it’s in.

I don’t want to hear that it’ll help attendance. I’m a fan. I don’t care if the Sixers make more or less money, and neither do you. Truth be told, this won’t improve attendance if it doesn’t make the Sixers a good team. People came out to see Iverson when he was young and they lost because they imagined the future while they watched him. They imagined how good it could be, and they were right. There’s nothing to imagine right now. 5 good attended home games, and then interest will wain if they don’t become a very good team. If Iverson is shooting 35 percent, scoring 22 points a game and the Sixers are losing, people will not show up. People want to see teams that win. Forget about superstars. People here want winners. And you know it. If the Sixers won 58 games, you’d go see them, superstar or not.

Signing Iverson is getting back the girlfriend you’ve forgotten all the bad things about. You forget every reason you two broke up. You just remember the good things. You know what happens when you make this decision. You’ve done it before. You have 2 great weeks, and then all of the bad memories come back. Because you broke up for a reason. The Sixers and Allen Iverson broke up for a reason.

The rest of the league doesn’t want a relationship for a reason. Don’t wear blinders. Sorry AI, we had some great times, but I’ll keep them there. I’ll read your old letters, and I’ll smile when I think about the good times, but I’ll keep them there.

11 27 09 Hawks @ Sixers

Of course, the one time I don’t check the time of the game before I come down here, it’s a later start. A 7:30 start rather than the normal 7:00 start. The Flyers played this afternoon, and I guess the half hour is supposed to assist in the switchover from ice to the Sixers court. It doesn’t appear to be enough. I was down by the floor 10 minutes ago and it’s a disaster. There’s water all over the place, and the chairs aren’t even out there yet. Is this important? No! But I’ve got extra time, so that means a longer intro.

This is the first time I’ve been in the press room BEFORE the game starts. Finally a confirmation, there is real, actual food in here before the games. Win. But it costs 10 dollars to eat it. Loss. I’m assuming that the cookies and soda are still complimentary, but I’ll still wait until halftime to avoid looking like an asshole. Well, scratch that. To avoid looking MORE like an asshole than I normally do. The improper dress, improper cheering, and running to this room for cookies during halftime probably cement my place in Assholeville here in Sixersland.

All indications about tonight’s game is that it’ll be a disaster. The Hawks are playing good ball, and are a far better team than they were last year. Josh Smith, a guy I didn’t believe in very much before this year, has finally decided to actually be a power forward, and stop taking threes. Marreese Speights is out, and now Lou Williams is out for 2 months. Aaaaand Elton Brnad is out as well. The Sixers have lost three in a row, including two to Memphis and Washington. Here’s the big plus… because of the injuries, there’s a chance I might play tonight. I brought my jersey. Now, I don’t have my own real Sixers jersey, so I brought the two basketball jerseys I own. A Michael Lloyd Syracuse jersey from when I was in college, and one of Derrick Coleman’s Sixers jerseys. They’re both way too big for me. Since the Sixers themselves haven’t really told me that I’ll be in the game tonight, they haven’t provided me with the jersey. However, being that I do have an ok jump shot, I’ve taken it upon myself to be ready to go tonight. I am tired though, having been up since 2am, going from store to store and stockpiling bargains at Best Buy, Target and Wal-Mart. I’m not sure where I’m sleeping tonight, as I have the following in my apartment:

43 32-inch flat screen TV’s

68 Dell laptops

145 assorted mp3 players

16 Digital Cameras

14 XBox’s

154 Assorted Gift Cards

26 “For Her” packages from Bath And Bodyworks

8 Dyson Vacuum Cleaners

There’s not really any room for me. I’ll be sleeping on the street tonight. It’s going to be even worse when all of that stuff I ordered from Amazon dot com comes at midnight.

I better get this out of the way too, I can’t stand Josh Smith. I don’t know why, he just seems like a smug asshole. He’s on the hate list with Eddie House and Chris Bosh. All three guys are clearly talented, and have done nothing wrong. I just hate them. So if you notice an anti-Josh Smith slant to this, that’s why.

1st Quarter

12:00 Oh look, it’s the Hare Raisers. These are the guys that shoot t-shirts into the crowd, but their biggest job is dunking off of trampolines. My problem with them is that they act as if they did what they did WITHOUT the use of trampolines. They celebrate too much. Clearly what they do is difficult, but these dudes walk around all smug before the game. DUDE YOU JUMP OFF A TRAMPOLINE! They should change their name from “Hare Raisers” to “Cheaters.” Also, Josh Smith is a pussy.

12:00 I just checked the phone next to me to make sure it works. In case Eddie Jordan or Ed Stefanski need to summon my services for the game. I’m not a selfish guy. I’ll play power foward if they need me, but I think my strength is at the shooting guard spot. Andrew Iguodala just awkwardly thanked the crowd for coming out. “THanks for being such great fans,” was like a guilt trip to try and get people to come again. It’s like telling a girl you had “such a good time” when you went on a date when you can clearly tell she’s not into you. Trying to trick and guilt her into the second date.

11:19 Sam Dalembert just missed a dunk. Even though he’s on a team I want to win, he’s become a guy who I get excited to see fail.

9:55 2 minutes played, Thad is 0-2. Thad misses a lot of shots.

9:20 I guodala has taken two shots so far, both jump shots. I really wish he’d take fewer jump shots. If they came within the offense and were wide open, that’s one thing. He just takes them off the dribble. He doesn’t know they’re easy to get because the other team doesn’t mind if he takes them.

7:32 An inspired first 5 minutes for the Sixers. Playing defense and in control on offense. Good to see them play well, bad because it lowers the chance I’ll get the call to get in the game.

6:42 Josh Smith hit a long jumper. He’s taken less of those, which has made him a better player this year. I’ll never understand why tall guys want to shoot from outside so much. YOU’RE TALL! It’s easier to shoot CLOSER! You’ll score MORE points. It’s like they don’t want to admit they’re tall. Like when you call someone whom you’ve obviously just woken up, and they deny it.

4:46 I love Joe Johnson. The dude plays like he’s been in the league for 10 years. He’s a young dude that plays like an old head. I love those guys. He’s not particularly quick or strong, but he manages to find a way to get past people and get open.

3:56 Jason Smith got the start because Brand’s hurt, and he’s been a beast so far. 6 points and 4 boards so far.

3:18 5 shots from Iguodala so far in the game, all 5 are jump shots. I kid you not. He suffers from a severely distorted view of his own skills.

2:38 The Sixers are down three, and have ceased playing defense for the game. It was fun while it lasted. HEY EDDIE! I can play defense! Put me in! I’m sittin right here by this phone!

2:27 The mini-Sixers dancers come in. A little kid version of the Sixers dancers. They dance ok, and everyone cheers like they’re really good. We have standards that are way too low for kids. Dancing’s not that hard. We shouldn’t cheer for mediocrity. Don’t get me started on this. I have a whole rap on the little kid hockey players and the little kids my little sister figure skates with.

1:49 Thaddeus Young’s playing well so far. Aside from the first shot, playing within himself. Letting the shots come to him. He’s looked more relaxed over the last few games.

1:03 Joe Smith hits the jumper. I have no idea why, but I’ve got nothin’ but love for Joe Smith.

:45 Sixers down 4, and the phone still hasn’t rang. EDDIE! The number on it if 7095 if that helps. I’m not sure if anyone told you.

:00 Willie Green hits a half court shot to end the half and cut the lead to 3. Love Willie Green. Willie Green plays the game the right way.

2nd Quarter Sixers – 23 Hawks – 26

12:00 Sixers on pace to allow 100 points for the 8th time in 16 games. I repeat, the Sixers play no defense.

11:15 Thaddeus Young nails a three that came on a nice offensive trip down the court. They actually moved and passed and got an open shot. It’s amazing how much easier it is to shoot when move the ball and get open.

9:29 I will never stop laughing when I see Kapono and Smith standing next to each other. It looks like Kapono has stopped shaving to look less like a tiny version of Jason Smith. Well, it looks like Kapono has stopped shaving. It’s merely my supposition that it’s to look less like a tiny version of Jason Smith.

8:59 Sixers down 6. EDDIE! 7095! They’re giving away another Kapono autographed basketball during a timeout. Makes less sense now, because Kapono has been playing. Less time to sign basketballs. They should only give out basketballs autographed by guys who are injured or in the doghouse. That way it’s almost a sign of shame. Like a dunce cap. Like, someone is sitting in the locker room, and someone brings him a bunch of basketballs and sharpies, and the locker room goes silent. “But I’m not inju… Damn it. Ok.”

7:52 In a nice surprise, Thaddeus Young is keeping the Sixers in the game. ANother three from him. I just had a thought that if he keeps playing this way, and then we get Brand and Speights and Williams back, the Sixers will be good! Then I suppressed that thought.

6:34 Samuel Dalembert just took a jump shot from 18 feet out. For no reason, other than to remind me that I hate him. Can you imagine what goes on in his head? On the floor right now, he’s easily the worst shooter. Easily. If I was his teammate, it’d take all my will not to hit him.

5:02 The Sixers defense has returned! They take a 2 point lead. Good to see the defense, bad to see the phone not ringing. The mini-Sixers dancers are walking by me to take their seats. There is a girl with the most unfortunate combination of ears and buck teeth that I’ve ever seen on an 11 year old girl. She looks like the love child of Dumbo and Bugs Bunny.

4:13 An Iguodala dunk off a nice pass from Dalembert. This is really the longest stretch I’ve seen the Sixers run any sort of offense this year. About 15 minutes of game time.

2:40 Josh Smith gets a wide open dunk off a blown Sixers defensive assignment. Thaddeus Young was talking to Iguodala all the way down the court and to the bench as the Sixers called timeout. Iguodala didn’t look or react to Young once. Iguodala is constantly complaining and making faces as well. Maybe I’m looking too deeply into it because I watch the games and see it all the time, but it’s annoying.

1:10 NBA players complaining about fouls and non-fouls is an epidemic. It’s the NBA Swine Flu.

HALFTIME Sixers – 41 Hawks – 46

No cookies in the press room at halftime. There are not words to express my disappointment. Really, I can’t even explain to you what a bummer it is. I might start bringing my own cookies and putting a plate of them out there in protest.

3rd Quarter Sixers – 41 Hawks – 46

12:00 The Sixers are down 5, and playing tougher than I figured they would. The Hawks are in the second of back to back games, and this one is of course, on the road. That’s when NBA teams are ripe for upsets. The Sixers have to keep it close, and hope the Hawks get tired legs at the end of the game. It’ll take defense and discipline on offense. Both things aren’t really signatures right now. Either that or lose by 15. We’ll see.

9:29 Well, the Sixers have come out in the second half and are STILL playing defense. It’s amazing. They’re actually trying!

8:40 Buckets by both Thaddeus Young and Jason Smith keep it to within 2. Both guys have played huge tonight. I’m encouraged the most by Thaddeus Young. Him coming out of the funk he’s been in all season is a really good sign.

7:25 Iguodala, dribble, dribble, dribble, Command+P.

7:14 YESSS! Kiss Cam during a timeout. Let’s see if we get all of the normal awkwardness. YES! Old couple kissing too deeply! Gross. Way too much deep kissing tonight. No awkward “we’re not on a date non kiss.” No “2 guys in opposing teams colors.” WAIT! We get the “we’re not on a date” moment. But no two guys in Hawks gear getting laughed at and booed.

6:24 Sam Dalembert is a fan of “Hell No! Why Would I Try To Play Defense!” on Facebook.

5:33 Dalembert with a big block on Josh Smith which leads to an Iguodala dunk on a fast break. Sixers within 2. (Ignoring the fact that I just said Dalembert doesn’t try on defense. Most of the time, he doesn’t.) Hey look guys! Defense leads to real, actual fast breaks. I might have mentioned that here.

3:43 Where has Royal Ivey gone? They should start giving out his autographed balls during timeouts.

2:39 Sixers are down 9 and we’re at the fork-in-the-road portion of the game. EIther they go on a run and the game gets out of control, or the Sixers keep it close, and the Hawks get frustrated and tired that they can’t put them away. For once this season, I don’t think I have any idea where the game is going. The Hawks, though up by nine, don’t look like they really have it tonight.

1:32 Rodney Carney just dunked from 17 feet away. I mean, probably not really that far, but it looked really far away. He’s had a bad game, but that dunk was ridiculous. Sixers doing their best to keep it close, within 5.

1:05 Steven A Smith just sat right next to me. He’s hilarious. In the way that he doesn’t know he’s hilarious. He thinks everyone is in awe of his coolness and connections, but everyone just watches him to try to perfect their impression of him. ESPN or not, he’ll always just be a newspaper writer that swung on Iverson’s jock to me. He’s currently talking in that high pitched, Lil Penny voice. For no reason.

:24 Just when it looked like it might got out of control, Rodney Carney hits a 3 to keep the Sixers within 6.

3rd Quarter Sixers – 66 Hawks – 75

12:00 Steven A Smith currently trying to figure out how to connect to the wireless here. He can’t figure it out. He put in his Verizon wireless card. That’s not working either. HAHAHA! Eat it sucker. I’ve got all the internet I want over here. I’m a regular.

11:10 He’s still trying to figure out how to connect to the internet. His buddy is trying to help him. I could fix this in 5 seconds by telling him the password to the wireless. Nope. Sixers within 7.

10:12 Kapono Dragon for 3! Keep making those shots, and you won’t be signing balls for the rest of the year!

9:57 Some guy from the crowd has noticed Steven A Smith next to me. He yells his name. Smith excitedly waves to him. Then the guy starts heckling him. I love you, Philly. Now his buddy is yelling at Smith. They both have beers and are laughing their asses off. Smith is now realizing what’s going on, and pretending to be on his cell phone. This is making my night. The Sixers are down 6, and I’ve decided they have no chance to win this game.

9:40 These guys won’t stop. They keep just yelling “Steven A!!!” He waves to them once every 5 times they say it. It’s gotten uncomfortable for everyone but me. They’re now doing Steven A Smith impressions. It’s essentially a Lil Penny impression. I love it.

9:30 Kapono hits ANOTHER 3! Sixers within 3. Could it be? Nah. But MAYBE!?! I doubt it.

8:08 Iguodala comes back in the game and I’m thinking of making eye contact with the hecklers to get them started again. Just a smile would get it done.

7:49 Iguodala travels and mopes. That should be his new last name, “And Mopes” or “And Over Celebrates.”

7:07 Thaddeus Young hits a three to get it within 7. Thaddeus line for this game, 22 on 9/12 shooting. Not bad sir, not bad at all. The 1 rebound is a little unfortunate, but offensively he’s stayed in control.

6:46 Sixers within 5 on 2 Rodney Carney free-throws. I have to say, regardless of the outcome, this has been a good effort from the undermanned Sixers tonight.

6:13 A steal turns into a fast break for the Sixers. Iguodala gets fouled. Wait, you mean, defense creates fast breaks?! REALLY?! Since Steven A has realized his internet isn’t working, he’s been on his phone the entire time.

5:27 Down 8, I think it’s time for Eddie Jordan to make the call to get two shooters on the floor.

4:57 Iguodala just hit a jump shot off the backboard and acted like he did it on purpose. I know he didn’t mean to, because I’ve shot that look before at other players. It never fools anyone. No one ever aims to bank a shot from dead ahead of the rim.

3:55 Josh Smith, whom I hate, just hit a jumper to put the Hawks up 10. This game is effectively over. Again, I’ll say, this wasn’t a horrible loss I don’t think. Even though the Hawks will probably score 100 points.

2:52 Steven A Smith finally got his internet working, and is on Twitter. I have half a mind to follow him, and then @ him about the guys heckling him. “I’m right next to you. I love those guys taunting you. You sound like Lil Penny.” I don’t have the guts though.

1:29 Sixers down 11, and game is completely out of control. The heckling of Steven A Smith and the 2 quarters of what appeared to be defense makes this a win for me though. We’ll never know what happened if Eddie Jordan had made that call.

:32 Jamal Crawford hits a 3 that gives the Hawks 100 points. Hawks up 14.

FINAL Sixers – 86 Hawks – 100

I saw my old high school teacher, Mr Lees at halftime. He told me he Sixers were hanging in there. I said, and you can ask him, “they’ll lose by 15.”

 

 

 

11 25 09 The Worst Thing About This Season

Do not be fooled by the final score of the Sixers vs. Wizards game last night. Losing 108-107, the Sixers did get the game to within a Lou Williams jumper of a win last night, but the game was nowhere near that close. Outplayed from the opening tip, the Sixers were down by a solid 10 points for much of the second half. If not for a surprise burst from Jrue Holiday and Lou Williams, this game would have ended much in the same way it was played, with the Sixers much deeper on the losing side.

That being said, even if you want to be fooled by the final score, it’s still a loss to an already bad team who was missing 2 starters. A loss to an already bad team, who was missing two starters, and got a subpar performance from their star player, Gilbert Arenas. 108 points to an already bad team, missing two starters, and a subpar performance from their star player.

There are improved players this year. Lou Williams is not only better than he was last year, but already better than I believed he could be. Marreese Speights, before he got injured, already seemed like the most hungry, most improved player on the roster. So much so that part of believes he is the only player on the team with the potential to be a truly dominant NBA player.

There are players who are the same as they were last year. Andre Iguodala isn’t any better. We all preyed during the offseason that his game would get to a place where he wouldn’t be considered out of positon at shooting guard. Well he still can’t shoot, and he’s still not a great ball handler. Samuel Dalembert is still, well he’s still Samuel Dalembert. Willie Green is still Willie Green.

There are players who are a little worse than they were last year, and not quite as good as we’d hoped they’d be. Thaddeus Young has had two solid games in a row, but by and large this season has been a disappointment. Bad shots and turnovers have been a signature of his game, along with shaky defense.

Last night’s performance, the death of Abe Pollin as motivation for the Wizards, was an uninspired, defensively lazy, offensively sporadic, perfect example of this season. And at the 14th game of this season, is exactly what the worst thing is about the Sixers is this year. The worst thing is that in the 14th game of the season, the team is no better than they were in the first game of the year.

The beginning of this season was to an extent, going to be a learning process. Learning what it’s like to have Elton Brand in the lineup every day. Learning a new offense. Running a team with a point guard who was relegated to backup duty last year. The re-entry of Jason Smith into the rotation. A new sharpshooter in Jason Kapono. A new coach. There is certainly the issue of more than one player playing out of position for a large portion of the minutes. In the 14th game of the season, we were certainly not going to see a finished product. That being said, this product is not only not finished, but barely seems started.

Elton Brand was playing 30 minutes a game, and very few in the 4th quarter until recently. That doesn’t seem like an efficient way to see what he’s got, or how the other players and the offense works with him in it. The offense that I speak of, seems to be barely run. I’m not any kind of offensive mastermind, but I’ve seen the triangle offense run before. I don’t see that very often. When it’s not a forced attempt at a fast break, I see a lot of dribbling, and a lot of settling for jump shots from Andre Iguodala. I don’t see the ball in the high post with, Brand, or anyone. One of the team’s weaknesses is jump shooting, which is why they traded for Jason Kapono. The same Jason Kapono you barely see.

We’re told over and over again that this team is at its best when they’re running. Even if I don’t necessarily agree that the team should be running as much as they think they should, they’re not even doing the right things to get fast breaks started. Playing defense and rebounding are two things that need to happen to fast break. Everyone on the team is so concerned with finishing the break, that no one is there to start it. The Sixers are not talented enough to just “get out and run,” like the Suns do. And suffice to say, as well as the Suns run, the Suns will not be winning an NBA championship playing this way. Not this year, or any year.

Let me repeat, the Sixers do not play defense. On the rare occasion that the Sixers do find themselves trying to stop the other team from scoring, they don’t appear to be aware of where they should be, or who they’re supposed to be guarding.

I will say, that clearly this team isn’t talented enough to win an NBA Championship. You need one star, and usually two to win . The Sixers don’t even have the minimum of one. So if, at the end of the day they figure they can win the most games and be the most exciting by getting out there and running, then I understand that. It does not appear to me that this team is talented enough offensively to do that. Playing defense and playing harder than everyone else seems to be a more direct way to wins than this. It’s true, fans like offense more than they like defense. Fans like winning more than they like anything though, and more people will come to games if they win more of those games.

Shot selection is as poor today as it was on the first day of the season, if not worse. Andre Iguodala shoots more jump shots for someone who cannot shoot than anyone else I’ve ever seen. Thaddeus Young seems insistent on relying on out of control drives to the rim and off balance shots than the “clean up the boards” and fast break points that he should be relying on. And any Sam Dalembert shot, is a bad shot.

I see nothing closer to a team that knows how to play with each other, and win games today than I did a month ago. That bothers me. This isn’t to say that it isn’t coming. I think getting Marreese Speights back and more positive play from Elton Brand could lead to something. I do think Lou Williams will continue to grow, and Rodney Carney looks like he’s got something in him. None of those things though directly speak to what looks like is wrong with this team right now.

Last night Eddie Jordan suggested that Abe Pollin, from beyond the grave, stopped Lou Williams’ shot from going in. Maybe so. Something tells me Abe wasn’t also telling everyone not to play defense. I’d guess Abe Pollin isn’t the one screaming “shoot” in Iguodala’s ear any time he gets enough breathing room to get that jumper up there. If it is the case, let’s hope Abe Pollin starts to bother someone else sometime this season.

WE GAVE UP 108 POINTS TO THE WIZARDS!

11 20 09 Grizzlies @ Sixers

You’ve got to give it to Shaquille O’Neal. He might be playing a year or two too long (or 4 or 5 if somehow he stretches much past beyond this season), but he’s doing it the right way. Athletes are good at doing a lot of things. They’re good at well, being athletes. They’re great at spending money. Shawn Kemp was really good at having kids. One thing that they’re not generally very good at though, is ending it. Most athletes aren’t very adept at knowing when is the right time. It’s one of those things that’s a lot easier to see once it’s in the rear view mirror.

In a way, being a ball player is like a relationship with a girl. When you’re playing, it’s hard to have perspective. You see the guys around you, and you know you’re better than they are. Mostly because you don’t watch the games. Just like you think your relationship really isn’t that bad. You’re in a bunch of restaurants, and you see couples who don’t like each other. A lot of times you and the girl say to each other, “wow, it must really suck being them.” That’s about 5 minutes before the mutual silent treatment when you smile too big at the waitress and she calls you on it. You usually know WELL after the breakup that the relationship went on too long.

Allen Iverson has no idea how good he really is right now. None of us do I guess. I’m thinking though that he’s got a far higher view of himself that most GM’s in the NBA figure right now. Is Allen Iverson still a good player? I’m sure. But he’s not what he was, and that’s the problem. He still thinks he is. That’s what makes him more harm than good, and it’s why he’s not on the Grizzlies, or any other team right now.

Tonight was supposed to be Iverson Day at the Wachovia Center. Instead, it’s Gay Day. That doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. Well, not for a basketball game anyway. About 5 minutes before the game, it looks to be one of the biggest crowds of the year, if not the biggest. Something tells me that they didn’t buy the tickets to see Marc Gasol.

No offense to the little kids who just did the National Anthem. Actually, strike that. Offense meant. I mean everything I say here. If one of those 9 year olds stumble upon this blog, don’t cry. That sucked. That was the worst National Anthem of the year.

In bigger news, we’ll find out at halfitme if the cookies have returned to the press room. I’ve threatened a one game boycott if not.

Let’s see if Elton Brand can do this two games in a row.

1st Quarter

12:00 This just in… The game hasn’t even started, and Thaddeus Young is 1-5 with 2 turnovers. Also, Sam Dalembert is still on the team. I know one of these times I’m going to show up and it’s not going to be true. He’ll be gone and I’ll smile. I’d even give up the cookies for the rest of the season to pay the 8 trillion dollar trade kicker he has.

11:40 Dalembert scores the first points of the game. I’d almost rather they not score.

10:40 Thaddeus Young drew a foul on a post up, but he was out of control. He got bailed out. I think both Thaddeus Young and Andrew Iguodala are very talented players. I like them both. They both think they’re better than they actually are though.

10:13 Lou Williams just FINISHED an alley-oop. I gotta give credit to Mark Farzetta from WIP. He was high on Lou Williams last year. I didn’t believe it. I’ll tell you what, of any guy in the starting lineup right now. I’m most sold on Lou Williams.

9:40 Lou Williams for three. And for a second, I look smart.

8:57 I always think it’s hilarious when REAL press guys, guys whose JOB it is to cover the game get here late. This is all you have to do bro. Come here, watch the game, and write or talk about it.

8:12 Effort not where it was in the Bobcats game. Certainly not defensively. Back to the old Sixers on defense. That is to say, not much at all. Sixers down 4.

7:14 Marc Gasol looks like a giant Kenny Loggins. I’d have paid admission to see him JUST do “Footloose” after the game. Google image search him. I’ve never seen him look like this actually. Full beard and feathered hair. Like he was going as Giant Kenny Loggins for Halloween.

6:41 Another three for Lou Williams. I look smart for another few minutes.

6:14 After kind of a quiet first 6 minutes, a steal and a finish on the break from Elton Brand. He can’t run! He can’t jump! Right?

5:34 Another bucket for Brand. A jumper from 15 feet away. He’s done! He doesn’t have any basketball left! Right?

4:54 Thaddeus Young misses a wide open 3. I really honestly would love to ask any coach, responsible for the coaching of Thaddeus Young, what the hell they tell him in between games. Either the wrong thing, or he just chooses to not listen. Sixers up 2.

3:59 A turnover from Thaddeus Young. No comment.

3:21 A 15 footer from Brand. He’s got 6 and 3 so far. He’s done! Make sure you sit him in the 4th Quarter!

2:38 Sam Dalembert fights for a great rebound, and promptly throws up an airball. Somewhere in Sam’s twisted mind, he believes he’s a good offensive player. I will drive him to whatever team wants to trade for him. Even if it’s in Europe. I will find a way to drive to Europe.

:03 Sixers down 28-22, and the big worry here is that we’re not playing ANY defense. The Grizzlies aren’t a really good team, but they’re a talented team. If the Sixers aren’t going to play ANY defense, the Sixers are probably going to lose. There’s a Grizzlies beat guy right next to me that’s actually talking to me and being nice to me. He must have not got the memo. “That’s the blog, cookie guy. Ignore him. We’re hoping he’ll be gone by mid-season.”

2nd Quarter Sixers – 22 Grizzlies -28

11:27 Zach Randolph gets blocked by Jason Smith, and complains that he was fouled. Now, he didn’t even come CLOSE to fouling him. This means two things, first, NBA players complain about everything. Second, you MUST complain if he get denied by a big, oafy white guy.

10:42 Sixers within 1 on a Willie Green three, and can now tie it or take the lead on a couple of Elton Brand free-throws.

10:40 Sixers are pressing. The Sixers should press more. If they insist on running and not playing very much half-court defense, they certainly should press more. They have the athletes to do it. Except for Brand of-course, who according to fans and talk show hosts plays the game holding a cane and using a walker.

9:45 On a fast-break layup, his second in a row, Lou Williams gives the Sixers the lead and has 14 points and 4 assists already. And I’m smart all the way into the 2nd Quarter. I should just go home now. Hey Sammy, need a ride?

9:20 They just gave away an autographed Jason Kapono basketball during a timeout. That’s what they have Kapono doing instead of playing, signing basketballs. Also, the douchey college looking guy is here who tried to drink a beer on press row the first time I was here. I’m thinking this is the guy I’m going to have to race to get to the cookies.

8:23 I’m going to go blind. Both Brezec and Jason Smith are in the game at the same time. I think this is the first I’ve seen of Brezec this year. This is 14 feet of oafy white guy at once.  AND Marc Gasol is in the game. That is 21 feet of oafy white guy at once. I feel like I’m watching some French game.

6:05 Grizzlies go up 5 on a killer finish by Rudy Gay. It’s (Rudy) Gay Night at the Wachovia Center. In celebration of Rudy Gay, they’re playing nothing but Madonna music during the timeouts. The game is getting sloppy, and the Sixers still aren’t playing any defense.

4:22 Thaddeus Young clearly fouls Marc Gasol and complains about it. This means two things, first, NBA players complain about everything. Second, if you foul a big oafy white guy, you HAVE to complain about it.

3:34 Sixers pull to within three on a Rodney Carney three. Carney came in for Young. Young has missed 2 shots and turned the ball over twice while sitting on the bench.

2:30 Timeout on the floor. Sixers within 1, and can pull even and take the lead after a Rudy Gay foul. It’s (Rudy) Gay Night at the Wachovia Center. During half time everyone is going to be really loud and pretend it’s 4am outside of Woody’s on Walnut.

2:30 Do you think anyone tells the Hare Raisers that dunking off of a a trampoline is cheating? They should implement the Hare Raisers in baseball. They can hit huge home runs with a baseball made of rubber and a rocket powered bat.

1:52 Dalembert with the offensive board and the dunk. I still hate him.

1:12 Dalembert picks up his first foul. That can mean one of two things. First, it could mean Dalembert is playing smart. HAHAHAHA. Yeah right! It just means he’s not trying.

HALFTIME Sixers – 50 Grizzlies – 49

The cookies returned. I dashed to the press room to find the usual giant bowl of popcorn, and took a peek to the site to see if the plate of cookies was there. It, in fact, was there. There were only two cookies left. At the risk of looking like an asshole, well ok, there’s no risk, I already look like an asshole, I went right for one of the cookies. Oatmeal raisin, and incredible. To assure cookies next time, I might have to stop in before the game actually starts.

The Oatmeal Cookie And Popcorn Combo

3rd Quarter Sixers – 50 Grizzlies – 49

11:07 Brand with two quick buckets and free throw, giving him 12 for the game. Is it at all possible, that sitting him in the 4th Quarters and threatening to bring him off the bench was a grand Eddie Jordan plan to fire up Elton Brand. Like when Rocky let himself get beat up by Drago. Is Eddie Jordan a motivational genius? Nah.

10:04 Sam Dalembert called for a foul, and argues it. As if he didn’t commit the foul. Sam Dalembert is not only a bad basketball player, but delusional.

9:49 Elton Brand wins a jump ball against Zach Randolph. He has no lift! He can’t jump! He’s done! He’s played all but one minute of the game.

8:42 Rudy Gay hits a jump shot, he’s got 16. He knows it’s (Rudy) Gay Night at the Wachovia Center. They’re handing out Adam Lambert posters with the programs tonight. He continues to celebrate, with a dunk, giving him 18. He then screams “HEEYYYYYYY.”

7:26 Rudy Gay hits another jumper, and has 20. It’s (Rudy) Gay Night at the Wachovia Center. Sixers call timeout, and “YMCA” blasts through the speakers. YES!!! The “Kiss Cam.” Nothing more awkward in sports. This is when, during a play stoppage, the camera puts what appear to be couples on the big screen. They then have to kiss on camera. There are always the; old people who kiss too deeply, the couple that is on what he thinks is a date, and she does not, that results in awkward, half kiss, and finally the “two dudes who are wearing opposing teams jerseys.”

6:28 A three from Lou Williams puts the Sixers back up one. He followed up a missed jumper from Iguodala. I’m going to need a shortcut for that. Like the “Command+P” will be “missed jumper from Iguodala,” just to save me time.

5:42 Command+P

5:19 Brand with the bucket and a foul, hits the free-throw and puts the Sixers back up one. What do you think, Eddie Jordan, super-genius, or lucky?

2:22 Time out on the floor. Brand’s got 17, and the Sixers are down 3. Rudy Gay’s got 20, which is fitting, because instead of Iverson night, it’s (Rudy) Gay Night at the Wachovia Center. A Cher impersonator sang the National Anthem.

2:03 Comman… Oh, he made it. Sixers down 1.

:02 Command+P to end the half.

4th Quarter – Sixers – 78 Grizzlies – 71

12:00 After their performance, the Hare Raisers threw a basketball into the crowd. Somehow, Thaddeus Young managed to drop it.

11:13 WE HAVE A JASON KAPONO SIGHTING! Also known as Tiny Jason Smith. Kapono takes a break from signing basketballs to hit a three. Sixers within 6. Still not playing any defense. I don’t see how they’re going to win this game.

9:58 Lou Williams with the bucket and the foul, and the free throw brings them to within 3. Mark Farzetta and Eddie Jordan are both super-geniuses.

9:30 Rudy Gay hits a Jordan-esque turnaround, fade away jumper. It’s (Rudy) Gay Night here at the Wachovia Center. They’re giving away DVD copies of “Milk” during time outs.

8:27 Elton Brand back in for the stretch run. Eddie Jordan has completely changed his philosophy after one game. Sixers down 7, and certainly going to lose.

7:53 Rudy Gay puts the Grizzlies up 9, and has 27. Fitting because it’s (Rudy) Gay Night at the Wachovia Center. Judas Priest is blaring out of the PA.

7:32 Elton Brand with the basket and the foul. He’s got 20. Yep. Elton Brand is good. Next issue.

5:58 Kapono misses a three, Sixers are down by 8. Unless the Grizzlies decide to trade for Dalembert RIGHT NOW, the Sixers are losing this game. THE SIXERS DON’T PLAY ANY DEFENSE. Ugh, PLAY DEFENSE! Sorry, not witty or insight right there, just frustration.

4:07 The Sixers go down 10 on a Rudy Gay layup on a fast-break. The crowd is the loudest they’ve been all night, and it’s to boo. The Sixers deserve it tonight. A complete lack of effort on the defensive end is going to lead to a loss at home to a 3-8 team. A talented 3-8 team, but a 3-8 team none-the-less. It’s one thing to play poorly, but it’s another to not work hard. The Sixers haven’t worked hard since the opening tip tonight. Eddie Jordan can challenge them all he wants in press conferences, talking about fighting back. I think he might want to say it during practice, and at some point suggest they play defense.

3:47 Just what we needed out of a timeout… Command+P.

3:13 Lou Williams hits a three to get the Sixers within seven. Lou Williams has played out of his mind tonight, he’s got 31 and 5 assists in 36 minutes. Anyone calling for the Sixers to sign Iverson (bad idea, never happen), should realize that all it’ll really do is stunt the growth of Williams AND Holiday.

2:32 Thaddeus Young takes a terrible shot and misses it. At some point, this guy’s gotta get some heat. His line so far tonight, 1-4 from the floor, 3 points and 2 boards in 27 minutes. Meanwhile, Elton Brand just hit a bucket to bring the Sixers within 5, he’s got 22, and still getting heat.

:42 A HUGE Iguodala rebound and slam that brings the Sixers to within 3. Then the hopes of the crowd dashed by… wait for it… Rudy Gay. It is (Rudy) Gay Night at… Ugh, I’m too bummed for one more of these jokes. OH MY GOD. THEY’RE REALLY PLAYING YMCA. THEY REALLY ARE. HAHAHAHAHA. I can’t believe it. Gay hit a shot and they played YMCA. Man I hope that was on purpose. That just made my night. 100%.

:11 Command+P

FINAL – Sixers – 97 Grizzlies – 102

I can’t even concentrate to wrap this up after the “YMCA” fiasco. I’m too excited. I’m laughing out loud. I explained why it’s funny to the guy next to me, and I don’t think he was amused. His name is “Gay,” alright. I’m done. Play defense next time.

 

 

 

 

 

11 18 09 Bobcats @ Sixers

A team’s record in the NBA can be deceiving. If you follow the Sixers, and know that they’re 4-6, you know that it’s not a very good 4-6 (not that 4-6 could ever be particularly promising). Two of the wins are against the Nets, who haven’t won a ball game this year. Not only are two of those wins against the Nets, but they’re SQUEAKERS against the Nets. An even bigger indication that the Sixers should be better than 4-6 is that the Charlotte Bobcats are 3-7. The Sixers aren’t the most talented team in the NBA, but the Bobcats are a nightmare. An already questionable team took on the headache that is Stephen Jackson earlier this week. If the Sixers are playing well, the Sixers kill Charlotte. Led by former Sixers coach Larry Brown, the Bobcats are pretty much the worst offensive team in the league.

Lucky for the Bobcats, the Sixers don’t play defense. Ugh, you know this game will be closer than it should be.

The big story line tonight was that Eddie Jordan, in one of the more puzzling potential coaching moves of the 21st Century (moved a spot down on the list by Bill “Genius” Belichick this week), was considering moving Elton Brand to the backup center role, because Marreese Speights is injured. I talked about this before, but never have I ever heard of a coach moving a starter to the bench to replace a bench players minutes. I’m not sure if Eddie Jordan sees something he doesn’t like in Elton Brand, or he’s got a personal vendetta against him, but if there was ever a question of whether his view was favorable, the last two days have erased any question. Not only has he considered moving Brand to the bench, but he’s done so publicly. Just hours ago, Kate Fagan reported that Brand would start tonight, and Jordan mentioned it was a “sensitive subject” for Brand. I wonder why. Jordan’s saying that he’s starting him to not hurt his feelings. This is Jordan’s version of a “pity-fuck” for Brand. He’s going with his ex to the wedding so she doesn’t have to tell her family they broke up. “Can you just hold my hand, everyone is looking at us.” “But we’re not together anymore, I don’t want to hold your hand.” “Then why are you even here, this is why we broke up.”

What I’m trying to say is that these things don’t end well. The girl or the guy storms out mid-wedding, or at best, there’s drunk “post-break-up sex,” followed by a fight the next morning, when everyone feels horrible about themselves. Whatever the case, Brand and Jordan are going to hate each other in the morning, and then probably erase their pictures together on Facebook.

A quick cookie update, I got here early enough to hit the press room BEFORE I sat down. I chose not to. Look, the cookies are great, but if I have too many of them it makes it less special. It will also give me a headache. It also means more time in the press room, by myself, around ACTUAL press. More time for someone to ask me why I’m there. Finally, too many cookies and I’ll be a fat, greedy, little pig like I was back in high school. When I ate everything in site. When there wasn’t anything in site,  I would invent something to eat. Something like the Dorito and American Cheese omelette. Yes, that’s a real thing, and yes, I’ll explain it another time. Just know that I don’t want to go back there. Long story, concluded, I don’t want to be fat again by eating too many cookies.

Tom Lamaine just said hi to me. Tom is the only member of the press here who recognizes my existence as an actual person. I don’t think he recognizes me as a member of the press, but beggars can’t be choosers.

1st Quarter

12:00 Before we get going, I just want to say that EVERYONE from the newspapers either looks fatter or older in person. Well, not EVERYONE, but the dudes do. Those pictures are a SCAM. They were taken a hundred years ago. I’m not naming names, but you know who you are. That’s BS. I look like my picture on the website. That MAY have been a perfect hair day, but it’s still me.

11:58 The starting center for the Bobcats is named Boris Diaw. He doesn’t appear to be Russian, but how quick do you think that new Nets owner (the Russian billionaire) would snap up Diaw. “The guy’s name is Boris, GET HIM FOR ME.”

11:29 Weird, Brand and Jordan are awkwardly slow dancing. Jordan looks like he wants no part of it.

11:11 An Iguodala jumper from 15 with a guy in his face. :11 left on the shot clock. That was the best shot we could come up with, huh?

9:17 So far Stephen Jackson has taken 4 shots. This guy could end up averaging 26 a game on Charlotte. There’s really no other option on the team. All of the shots, and being a jerk should make him pretty popular with the other guys on the team.

8:12 Stephen Jackson up to 6 shots. Everyone has played with a guy like this. “Look bro, I know you’re better than the rest of us, but you don’t have to be an asshole about it.”

7:46 A goaltend from Dalembert. Three goaltends a game (I made that stat up) from Sammy. Also, Jordan and Brand are bickering next to the buffet table. “I should never have come,” I heard Jordan whisper. “You only care about yourself,” Brand said.

7:19 The Sixers Dance Team are being filmed right next to me fake texting on blackberries. Must be for some commercial. They’re “movie typing” on them. You know, the WAY too fast typing that people do in TV shows and movies, where you know if you looked at the monitor you’d just see “ewrhfan9efuanwfa89fhnw9f.”

6:51 Andre Iguodala, 4 shots, 4 jump shots. He’s made two, but he cannot, cannot, cannot settle for jump shots. They won’t fall all game. Even if they do, they won’t fall every game.

6:04 Terrible foul on Dalembert on Chandler for the and-one. It’s obvious why Eddie Jordan would start Dalembert over Brand. Wait, no it’s not. It’s stupid. Sorry, I confused “stupid” and “obvious.”

5:32 Elton Brand, 4 points and 3 boards in 6 minutes. GET HIM OUT OF THERE EDDIE! Rodney Carney is begging to come in. Incidentally, anyone who thinks that Brand isn’t capable of keeping up on a break doesn’t watch basketball.

4:58 Stephen Jackson just took his 7th shot (he’s made 4). Also, Rodney Carney is in for Dalembert. This is the time when you’re disappointed that Speights is out, because Dalembert has his customary 2 fouls in 6 minutes. We’d get to see the guy who should have been starting over him. Instead we get to see Rodney Carney take a 3. Fitting, considering everyone on the Sixers is a 3.

4:15 Another Iguodala jump shot. Also, Brand is mad at Jordan because he’s been texting his other friends the whole time they’ve been here. He doesn’t know why he came if he was just going to text other people the whole time.

2:31 Timeout with the Sixers up 22-21. Brand’s got 6 points, 3 boards and an assist so far. Even though Jordan and Brand are standing next to each other, Jordan keeps talking to Jason Smith. Brand doesn’t know why he can’t just be civil for ONE NIGHT to help him out.

1:28 Brand with a steal and a breakaway dunk. He can’t run! He can’t jump! Eddie Jordan’s only excuse is blindness. Maybe he’s blind. Brand seems to be on a mission tonight. It’s like he showed up to the wedding looking hotter than he ever did in his relationship. If he had just dressed like this when they were together, they’d have never broken up.

2nd Quarter Sixers 29 – Bobcats – 22

11:39 Rodney Carney with the dunk. The Sixers are full of guys who can dunk and not do a lot of other things. They remind of me Cedric Ceballos.

11:10 Just saw Paul Jolovitz walk in. He works for WIP. I saw him at a holiday party this past weekend almost choke and die after doing a shot. He was begging for water while coughing. I just kind of stared. If there was a Good Samaritan law that night I’d have been arrested.

10:20 Another bucket for Brand. Just stared across the room at Jordan while he was dancing with someone else. Jordan wasn’t even looking, he was hitting on the girl serving the desserts. Brand comes out of the game with 10 points, 4 boards, 2 assists and a steal.

10:04 DeSean Jackson just walked in. Sitting front row, behind the basket. That guy is going to be so famous in Philadelphia. You can feel it happening, when a guy is turning into “that guy,” in a good way. He’ll be the most popular Eagle we’ve seen in Philly in a long time.

9:46 Here’s how Jason Smith was created. Jason Kapono created a teleportation machine. When he got into it, there was a scoop of whey protein powder in there. Transportation happened, Giant Jason Kapono aka Jason Smith was created.

8:43 The Bobcats get a :24 second violation on nearly every possession. This is a bad basketball team.

8:18 An Iguodala three pointer and a miss followed by an immediate three and a miss for Rodney Carney. Princeton offense!

6:41 Brand checked back in. He spent the last 20 minutes in the bathroom crying with his best friend about why Jordan won’t just treat him like he did when they first knew each other. Then the next 10 minutes fixing his makeup.

6:23 Another shot clock violation from the Bobcats. Bad team, really bad team. As bad as they are, they’re only down 5. Please don’t lose this game Sixers. I cannot stay awake on a Wednesday night, annoyed at a November loss to the Bobcats. That’s not fair.

5:36 Cookies are coming. Press row is kind of full today, so I’m going to have to rush over there to beat the rush. I gotta take two on my first trip too, like a greedy little pig, so I don’t get stuck with only one cookie like last time. Sitting right next to me is a Bobcats beat writer. What a horrible life he must have.

5:20 Everyone in the section next to him just noticed DeSean Jackson. He was being cheered by 26 people. Speaking of which, come to Sixers games. THe best value in the city for anything. The tickets are cheap, they’ll usually give you stuff with one of the packages. Come to the games.

4:32 Iguodala gets fouled going to the rim. Iguodala is still at his best going to the rim. It kills me seeing him take so many jump shots.

4:15 Brand and Jordan are sitting next to each other, talking quietly but sternly. That thing where you’re not yelling in volume, but in tone you are. “I don’t know why you can’t just introduce me as your girlfriend HERE. JUST HERE.”

3:21 Almost just made a real ass of myself. I was moving my seat, not noticing that our seats are on a small step up from where we put our feet. I moved the chair down the step. Almost fell. I’m convinced they’d have stopped the game to let even Boris Diaw laugh at me.

2:32 Elton Brand posts up and gets another two. Make sure you keep him out of the game in the 4th Eddie! Side note, Brand asked Jordan why he’s only wearing khakis and a polo shirt. Since when is a wedding reception not something you wear a tie to? If he’s going to come, he should probably at least dress the right way.

1:57 A bad shot from Thaddeus Young. Does anyone show him game tape? Ever? 1-6 so far tonight.

1:08 A runner from Lou Williams. Good half for Lou as well, 8 points and 4 assists so far. Sixers still only up 6. Sixers SHOULD be up 15.

:06 Andre Iguodala complains about everything. Lou Williams got fouled and he was complaining. LOU WILLIAMS IS ON YOUR TEAM!

HALFTIME Sixers – 52 Bobcats – 43

A DISASTER IN THE PRESS ROOM… I walked in there third. I got up quicker than almost anyone on press row. I put my head down. I was going to get soda, popcorn and two cookies before the rush. After stopping and talking to Rebecca Goodman for a minute, who was nice enough to give me the press pass, I wandered over to the food table. Popcorn. Black plastic bowls. Wait a minute. WAIT JUST A MINUTE. WHERE ARE THE COOKIES?

No cookies. I kid you not. And it’s not like there were plates for the cookies and they were just out of them, there were no cookies. I’m going to get to the bottom of this, and I’m going to do it tomorrow. Hopefully it was an aberration.

Back to the game, the 3rd Quarter will be when we figure out if this game is going to be closer than it should be, or if the Sixers will do what they should, and bury this team. I know the Nets haven’t won a game this year, but the Bobcats are the worst team I’ve seen all year. At one point, they were 3-2. Think about how many bad teams must be in the NBA for the Bobcats to win 3 games in 10 tries.

3rd Quarter Sixers -52 Bobcats – 43

11:14 Thaddeus Young misses from three, and is now 1-7 from the floor tonight. When you’re struggling from the floor, and you’re not a great shooter, taking threes probably isn’t the way to get your game back on, right? Does anyone spend time with Young?

10:28 Sam Dalembert with a quick foul to get to three. It’s like someone told him that fouls are like vacation days at work. IF YOU DON’T USE THEM YOU LOSE THEM FOREVER SAMMY! Billy King signed him to a deal that pays him 12 million dollars this year, with a no-trade clause and a 15% trade kicker. It’s like Billy King was trying to get into the Guinness Book Of World Records for the worst professional sports contract.

9:21 Brand goes to the line and knocks them both down. He’s got 14 now. He’s also getting really drunk and grabbing at Jordan’s crotch when no one is looking under the table. Jordan is trying to decide if it’s worth going home with Brand. It’s been a while.

8:20 My father sits down with DeSean Jackson and everyone starts yelling at him. I begin having flashbacks to my childhood and little league. SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP.

7:02 A Samuel Dalembert dribble drive, spin move and out of control pass. That actually happened. He continues to amaze me with his belief in his own ability. You have to respect it on some level. He really thinks he should do that. I’d love to do a study on him.

6:12 Another 2 for Elton Brand. Eddie Jordan is now outside on his cell phone, and has told the valet to get his car. He figures that if he doesn’t get Brand home now, he’ll be too drunk to sleep with him. You can always see that point with girls. It’s fun to watch other guys know the girl they’re with is at that point. That if he doesn’t get her out of there RIGHT THEN, it’s “pass out in the car on the way home” drunk and not “sex before I pass out” drunk.

There are different levels of drunk when a guy is  out with a girl. I just wrote them out, and it’s hilarious, but I realized it might get taken the wrong way. I’m not a bad guy, I just know guys. I’m stopping now.

4:52 Bobcats pull within 3. I start to have the realization that maybe, just maybe, the Sixers aren’t that much better than the Bobcats. I refuse to believe it.

4:26 Bobcats pull within 1. I maybe start to believe it. Between the ghosts that haunt me at night, and this game, I’ll be up till 1 tonight.

3:10 Jason Kapono is in. You know, the one guy who can shoot. You know, we’re supposed to run that offense that needs jump shooting. Good to know we’ve got the guys to run the offense. A quick foul from Kapono. I think Sammy told him about using up the fouls (vacation days) before the end of the game. Someone should tell Sammy that fouls are like rollover minutes for AT&T. Trick him into not fouling people. HOW ARE THE SIXERS ONLY UP 3?

2:11 Bobcats pull to within 1 again. I can’t believe I let this bother me.

1:38 A GREAT drive from Iguodala with a nice crossover. Go to the hole Andre! Go to the hole!

1:37 My dad is like the mayor of Sportsville. He barely watches much of the game, just walks round saying hello to everyone. I have no idea how a guy this social is my father. I sit in the back and hope no one asks me to leave.

1:12 Iguodala just missed a layup and complained. Now, there was no one near him, and he traveled but there was no call. I think Andre is so insistent on complaining that he actually was mad a travel wasn’t called. He’s so determined to make sure the refs get the call right, he gets mad if they don’t call fouls even against HIM. He’s a fighter for the cause.

:07 Brand’s got 17 and 9, and he’s mumbling something to Jordan that sounded like “you never really loved me anyway. You think I’m fat. I know you think I’m fat. You don’t know how hard it is staying thin when you’re a girl.”

4th Quarter Sixers – 69 Bobcats – 65

12:00 I don’t think the Bobcats are good enough on offense to win this game, but the Sixers are clearly making it more of a struggle than it should be. This is with good games from Iguodala, Brand and Williams. Not a great sign. Also, there is nothing people won’t do for a free t-shirt. After working at radio stations for 13 years, and going to hundreds of sporting events, it’s clear that the most desired item in the world is a free t-shirt.

11:27 Brand with another two, he’s got 19 and 10 now. Jordan’s trying to get him into the car, but Brand won’t shut up about the time when Jordan said he’d take him to a nice restaurant but got caught at work. Jordan sees the night fading away.

10:30 Thaddeus Young with a bad turnover as he over dribbled in the post. Thad is 1-8 tonight.

10:00 Big steal and a drive and a bucket for Willie Green. I like Willie Green. That’s all. I also like bunnies and ponies and dogs. And Elvis. And horses.

9:09 Bobcats within 3 again. I wonder if the ghost that lives in my house is a Sixers fan. We can watch away games together.

6:16 A blown defensive assignment from Thad leaves Stephen Jackson open for 3, which he hits. Thaddeus is also 2-10 right now. Also, Elton Brand is not in the game. I’m going to jump out a window.

5:40 Brand back in the game, and the window I was going to jump out of is closed. He’s also passed out in the passenger seat. Jordan is cursing to himself, they should have left 2 drinks ago. Maybe he’ll wake up when they get home. Bobcats within 2.

4:01 A missed dunk for Brand. Eek. That wasn’t pretty.

3:32 Bobcats beat writer now openly annoyed that I’m quietly cheering for the Sixers. Sixers go up 4 on a nice bucket from Lou Williams, who is having a nice game, and an overall impressive season I think.

2:09 Another Young blown defense leads to a Stephen Jackson three pointer, Sixers lose the lead. Down 82-81. What exactly is Thaddeus Young doing positive for the Sixers. Also, Brand just threw up out the window, and Eddie Jordan is giving up on all possibility of breakup, drunk, wedding sex.

1:49 Down 3. The Sixers aren’t going to lose this game, are they? Even worse, are they going to make me stay for overtime without any cookies?

:52 Lou Williams hits a couple of free throws and brings the Sixers to within 1. I’m floored that the Sixers have to battle back to win this.

:30 Iguodala got fouled by Gerald Wallace, and still complained. This guy is on a mission. He must have a complaining clause IN his contract. He must get paid for it. Dudes only do things for one of two reasons, money or sex, and I bet no one is sleeping with him to complain to refs. Iguodala makes one of two to tie it.

:03 A big defensive stop (on a terrible offensive team) by the Sixers, a fast break, and a finish from Lou. Sixers up two. Jordan can’t even wake up Brand to get him out of the car. What a terrible night. He should have just gone to the kitchen with the server he was talking to. He knew this whole thing was a mistake.

:00 Sixers steal the inbound and win.

Bobcats, bad. Sixers, not as bad. Brand, played the whole game. Sixers win.

3487 words, I’ll stop now.

11 17 09 The Insanity Continues

“Elton Brand is too slow.”

“The Sixers are a running team, that doesn’t suit Brand.”

“Elton Brand is a disappointment.”

These are things I’ve heard from both fans, and sports talk hosts so far this season in regard to the Sixers high-priced power forward. The quotes have been matched with at best uneven play from Brand, along with limited minutes for him, as well as a spot on the bench during crucial points in the 4th quarter. It all appears as if it’ll take another step for the next game, as it appears Brand may come off the bench as the backup center, due to the recent injury to Marreese Speights.

This. Is. Crazy. Along with an inconsistent rotation, an uninspired defensive effort night after night, and an at-best puzzling offensive strategy, the Eddie Jordan era is going to take another step into Crazyland by having Brand come off the bench. He’s using a starter to replace a bench player. Read that again, I didn’t mess that up. I’m guilty of my fair share of typos, but that isn’t a typo. In a move to trump all moves, Eddie Jordan is going to replace a bench player with a starter.

I know what you’re thinking, “doesn’t it usually go the other way around?” Yes, yes it does, but Eddie Jordan is an innovator. Kind of like Samuel Dalembert tried to petition the league to get personal fouls to count as points. That didn’t work out so well, but maybe Eddie Jordan’s on to something. Maybe if Royal Ivey gets hurt, we can move Lou Williams to the bench to replace Ivey’s bench minutes.

I want to be clear that I’m under no illusion that playing Elton Brand more is the secret to this Sixers team becoming elite. I don’t even know that it will make them better. I do think that the guy has done enough in his career to warrant a shot at it. I’m not Elton Brand’s biggest fan, nor am I his biggest detractor, I just want to see what he can do.

I’ve had enough of hearing that this is a running team, and Elton Brand can’t run. Let’s break this down for a minute.

• Running teams don’t win. They don’t. If you can’t play defense and do something in the half-court in the playoffs, it’s useless. Having the ability to fast-break is great, but the “running team” thing doesn’t work. Hasn’t for years. There’s a difference between being a team that can run, and being a running team.
• Elton Brand isn’t slow. He’s not a lanky guy that jumps out of the building like Iguodala, but he’s not slow. I’ve seen him run down the court, he gets there just fine.
• Let’s say you do want to run a lot, you don’t need 5 guns running a fast break. The Phoenix Suns of last year were probably a better running team than this Sixers team will be at any time, and they had Shaq. Shaq had his best season in recent memory. Someone’s got to get the rebound and throw the outlet pass. In case you don’t remember, Elton Brand is a good rebounder.
• If Jason Smith can keep up, I’m quite sure Elton Brand can keep up.
• RUNNING TEAMS DON’T WIN!
• The Sixers aren’t even a good running team! It’s not like they’re blowing people out the minute Brand comes off the floor. Just because you have a bunch of guys who like to dunk, does not mean you’re a good running team. They’re squeaking by teams like the Nets, and losing to good teams. This running thing, that everyone wants to do, that doesn’t win you championships, IS NOT EVEN BEING DONE WELL WITHOUT BRAND.
• Where is the half-court, “Princeton Offense?” Where is Brand in the high post, dishing to people? Where is Brand in the low post, drawing doubles and scoring? Is the Princeton offense defined as “Iguodala, Williams or Young dribbling for 10 seconds and taking a fadeaway jump shot?” I’m just curious because, you know, THE RUNNING THING ISN’T WORKING. It’s disappointing to see that neither Iguodala or Young has become a decent midrange jumpshooter, which would allow them to run the offense.

I don’t know how good Elton Brand is. I do know that I want to see how good he is though. I do know I want him to get offensive opportunities so he doesn’t have to force shots. I certainly know I don’t want him in a bench role because one of the bench players is hurt.

In addition, if Jordan sees Brand as a center, which I think would work well against most teams, he should have been starting at center several games ago, with Speights starting at the power forward spot. I’d like to see that lineup. When you do that, you have a guy at the 4 spot who CAN run and CAN finish breaks.

I was going to write about Thaddeus Young here. There’s something VERY wrong with Thaddeus Young right now. It’s a different blog, but I just wanted to say it. It’s 5-15 or 4-13 every single night. It’s a problem. He’s pressing, and it’s a problem. I just wanted to get that out of my system.

So to recap:

• Elton Brand isn’t that slow.
• Even if he was, he’s not slower than Shaq.
• Eddie Jordan is now brilliantly using starters to replace bench players.
• Running teams don’t win in the playoffs.
• The Sixers aren’t even a good running team.
• Andre Iguodala dresses like Urkel after games.
• Samuel Dalembert is a disaster.
• Jason Smith looks like an 18% bigger version of Jason Kapono.
• Jrue is the new Drew.

11 13 09 NBA Dunk Of The Year?

So far is it this?

Or is it this?

I’m going with the Wade dunk. I’ve been watching it all morning.

11 09 09 Suns @ Sixers

My security blanket is gone.

Not the cookies, I’m sure the cookies are still there. I haven’t been to the press room yet, but I’m going to go ahead and make the assumption that I’ll still have cookies, free soda, and free popcorn during halftime. No, by “security blanket,” I mean Promotions Director Chris Johnson. Chris came with me last time, so although I felt silly on press row, at least he felt silly with me. Tonight, I’m all alone. At least I have my laptop, right?

I took a look at the press pass of the guy sitting next to me. It says “Sports Illustrated” on it. It won’t take long for him to figure out I’m a fraud.  Especially because I refuse to dress any differently for this than I do for my regular job. It’s jeans, a blue t-shirt and a hat today. To really fit in with the sports press I’m going to have to take one of two tacts. Either I’m going to have to dress “Slob Dress Casual,” which is how most of them dress, or I’ll have to go with “Express For Men Casual,” which is how the younger guys roll. I’ve gotta be honest, they’re going to have to throw me outta here before I look like that.

It’s Sixers vs. Suns tonight, which on its surface is a mismatch. The Suns however, are on the second night of  back-to-back road games, which is generally a pretty bad spot for NBA teams. The Sixers are a point favorite, and that’s why. In addition, in taking a look at the Suns starting lineup, I’m sure we’ll see at least one season-ending injury tonight. No possible way that Amare Stoudemire and Grant Hill both make it through the game without a season ending injury. Maybe both.

While I speak of starting lineups, I can only stare in awe and disappointment as Samuel Dalembert is listed as the starting center for the Sixers. I guess he wasn’t bad enough last game. “Don’t you need a 7 foot guy if you’re going against Amare Stoudemire and Channing Frye?” Not if that 7 footer is Samuel Dalembert. Among the list of people I’d start at center over Samuel Dalembert are; Elton Brand, Marreese Speights, Jason Smith, Royal Ivey, Willie Green, half of the Sixers Dance Team, Danny Bonaduce, Phil Jasner and Goldie Hawn. I’m going to put the over/under on number of minutes before Dalembert does something to upset me at 2. Please place your bets now.

A quick note, I apologize to the Comcast people when I complained about not having internet. The Sports Illustrated guy told me about the wireless and gave me the password (begrudgingly).

Another quick note. 4 minutes before game time, and some dude just came strolling on to press row with a free soda and a black plate slathered in cookies. Now when I say “slathered in cookies,” I mean he has one cookie on the plate. WHAT A FOOL! You can fit 3 or 4 cookies COMFORTABLY on those little plates. Amateur. Maybe one day I’ll show this (50 year old) kid the ropes.

A final quick note, some press guy from Phoenix started asking me questions about where he should sit, if someone will show up in this other seat he wanted, and who some guy was whose seat he’s sitting in. BRO, YOU’RE A DAMN FOOL. I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING. I’ve got a bunch of tattoos and a baseball hat on. Do I look informed? Shut up and get out of my way when I go for the cookies.

1^st Quarter

12:00 DAMN IT. There’s Dalembert. He’s really starting. Eddie Jordan doesn’t read this blog.

11:24 Took me 36 seconds to get mad at something Dalembert did. He’s going to set a record this year. Complete defensive lapse on Stoudemire. What a waste of 7 feet he is.

10:29 Grant Hill and Amare Stoudemire is still injury free. Steve Nash is still Canadian, and Dalembert just made a 15 foot jump shot. Wonders never cease.

9:26 Strong post-up move from Elton Brand. I’m the one guy who really believes that Brand has it. I think he needs to get more selfish, or Eddie Jordan needs to decide he needs to get the mall more in the post. I think it’d mean points, and I think it’d mean a happier Elton Brand.

8:52 Brand with a drive and draws a foul on Frye and 2 foul shots. Makes ‘em both. In the words of Keyshawn Johnson, “JUST GET ME THE DAMN BALL.” Hill and Stoudamire, still injury free.

8:11 Dalembert doing his best to prove he can’t guard the un-injured Stoudemire by fouling him before Amare even got the ball in the post.

6:56 He didn’t make the shot, but Lou Williams just crossed over Steve Nash and almost made him fall down. Steve Nash is no defensive mastermind, but Steve Nash cannot guard Lou Williams. Also, Dalembert is still in the game, Stoudemire and Hill not injured, Nash still Canadian.

5:07 Jason Richardson is demolishing Iguodala so far. 11 points in 5 minutes. This is one of the issues of playing Iguodala at the 2 spot. Smaller guards are going to kill him, and Jason Richardson is killing him.

3:42 The good news, Amare Stoudemire just walked. The bad news, that means he’s not injured.

2:42 Sam Dalembert with his second foul of the game. 4 more and I want have to watch him play basketball anymore tonight.

2:41 If I am going to try to change one thing in professional basketball, it’s the congratulations a player gets aftera  MISSED free throw from his teammates. No wonder some guys never get any better. If Pavlov’s dogs had been treated like this, they’d have never figured anything out.

:38 up by two with 38 seconds left in the first quarter, Eddie Jordan decides it’s time to have all of the backups in at once, including Jrue Holiday, who didn’t play ONE MINUTE against the Pistons. No better way to beat a 6-2 team than throwing the entire bench in there at once.

2^nd Quarter Sixers 27 Suns 25

11:30 A big bucket and a foul for Rodney Carney. Great full court pass from Speights. I might be crazy, but I really think the Sixers can win this game. It’d be a good win for them, after a really sub-part effort against the Pistons.

11:06 Grant Hill just took a jump shot over Jason Smith (Giant Jason Kapono) and didn’t get injured. I’m starting to believe that this is the bionic Grant Hill. He’s been injured so many times, there’s no proof that on one of those visits he wasn’t combined with a half machine, creating a Grant Hill that does NOT get injured. I’ll see if I can find anything out at halftime. By the cookies.

9:08 Some guy from the crowd just yelled at Jason Smith. “You’re 7 feet tall!! What are you doing shooting three’s?!” He’s not being Dalembert sir, give the guy a break.

8:33 A three-pointer from Jrue Holiday. That’s how well this is going. Sixers are now up 12.

7:24 Thaddeus Young is a talented player, but careless. A bad turnover on a fast break on his third move to the basket. I feel like Young has digressed from last year.

5:53 Another three from Holiday. Jordan’s got Lou Williams and Holliday on the floor at the same time. I haven’t seen this very much this year, but I like it if you’re playing someone like Phoenix. The entire Sixers small lineup is fun to watch. Tonight, anyway.

4:48 Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yes. We’re only minutes away from cookies and popcorn. And all the free diet soda I can drink.  Grant Hill and Amare Stoudemire are STILL not injured. Everything I thought I knew about basketball is moot.

1:41 Lou Williams wins the most improved award this year. I’m going to win the “ate too many cookies award” at halftime.

HALFTIME – Sixers 66 Suns 54

Well, a good half for the Sixers, but doesn’t leave me without worry. They’ve shot the ball well, and as you would expect from Phoenix, not much defense. The Sixers like to run, and still are at their best when they’re running. What would worry me is that the Suns are probably better at it than the Sixers are. Let’s hope the road legs hold up for the Suns, and the Sixers can finish this thing off.

Quite a scene in the press room at halftime. Of course, I rush out of here to go get some popcorn, soda and cookies. Everyone else is trying to finish up whatever they were writing. Not me. I guess at the last few minutes of the half so I can get a head start on the cookies. I fill up a plastic bowl with popcorn, get a Diet Pepsi, and grab a peanut butter cookie. Bad news though, following me in  is a rush of press guys. THEY ATTACK the cookies. One cookie for me. ONE COOKIE. Parking was 15 bucks, and I get one cookie.

I did get to see Tom Lamaine, former TV weatherperson here in Philly. As good a dude as they come, and along with Larry Kane, always remembered who I am for one reason or another. I salute you, Tom Lamaine.

I tried to ask some guys in the press room what was going on with Grant Hill and Amare Stoudemire. “What do you mean?” they asked. “Well, they’re not hurt yet.” I said. They walked away.

3^rd Quarter Sixers 66 Suns 54

9:54 Another bucket for Jason Richardson. He’s got 24 points. Everyone has stopped pretending to play defense. Even though the Sixers are up 10, I worry that they’re not going to be able to keep up.

9:18 Channing Frye for three. Suns cut the lead to 7. Officially seeing this game start to slip away.

8:48 An uncontested Nash layup cuts the lead to 5. There’s so little defense that both teams are just standing at the other team’s basket the whole time, shooting uncontested layups. Sixers timeout. Paolo Nutini’s “New Shoes” is playing over the PA. That song should have been bigger. GOOD TUNE!

6:28 Suns cut it to three on a Nash jumper. The jumper was uncontested. Is that surprising? No. Why? Because the Sixers are doing everything but playing defense while the Suns have the ball. Ordering snacks, watching the “Hare Raisers,” wondering why there weren’t more cookies in the press room. Everything possible.

6:07 Sam Dalembert is the worst. He drew a foul, but the play should have never happened. Dalembert got it at the top of the key, dribbled, made two moves, and got bailed out by Richardson. Every time he gets the ball on the offensive end, he shoots it. Like he’s got something to prove. You’ve proved it Sam, you’ve proved it.

4:44 I’ve got a new word. It’s called Dalemstruction. That’s what happens when all of Dalembert’s mistakes happen at once, and he causes mass destruction. An awful three second call on Dalembert. This isn’t one of those three second calls where it’s the post player expecting the other guy to shoot, and just gets caught. It was just lazy.

4:27 A TWOFER FOR SAM! An offensive three second call, followed up by a defensive three second call.

4:15 Eddie Jordan pulls the plug on the Dalemstruction and brings in Speights.

2:56 Jason Smith guarding Grant Hill was the “Cement Shoes” moment of the year. That was awful. I felt terrible for Giant Jason Kapono. Speaking of which, Jason Kapono has not played a minute tonight.

:27 Aaaaaaaand the lead is blown. We’ve got a tie ball game.

4^th Quarter Sixers 86 Suns 84

11:55 We have a Kapono (Tiny Jason Smith) sighting! Smith and Kapono are on the court at the same time. I feel like I’m seeing Michael Myers and that guy that played mini-me together. I’m hoping Smith picks up Kapono at some point.

11:00 Aaaaaaand we have a tie ball game again.

10:48 Jrue Holiday checks in, to give us a three person backcourt of Kapono, Green and Holiday. Saying Eddie Jordan doesn’t have his rotation set is an understatement. Kind of like saying Steve Nash has bad hair.

10:22 SPEIGHTS with a huge bucket and a foul. Keep starting Dalembert. Maybe it motivates Speights.

9:57 Jason Smith has now been abused by both Grant Hill and Amare Stoudemire in the same half. THE SECOND HALF. This shouldn’t have been possible. Stoudemire should have a torn ACL by now, and Grant Hill should have a serious shoulder separation. I’d have bet every dollar I owned that one of them would be injured by now. Smith should hit them with his cement shoes.

8:28 The Sixers Dance Team, who are very talented, are inexplicably dressed in jeans and leather vests. Brown leather vests with zippers. Is that what they where in Phoenix? Is the outfit an ode the Arizona?

8:11 It’s incredibly confusing with GIANT Jason Kapono hits a three while TINY Jason Smith is under the basket looking for a rebound.

7:37 MARRRRRRRREESE SPEIGHTS IS ON FIRE! 16 on 7-11 shooting so far, and a couple of clutch baskets in the 4^th. Marreese Speights is a player.

7:05 Another bucket for SPeights on a play that broke down when Holiday lost the ball. I’m getting a Speights jersey.

5:58 Sixers up 102-100. I have to admit, I thought it was falling apart in the 3^rd Quarter, but the Sixers have hung in there. Pretty much for two reasons, first, because the Suns refuse to guard anyone, and two, because Marreese Speights is taking advantage of that. Interesting to see Holiday get “down the stretch” minutes.

5:15 Right on cue, Williams comes in for Holliday.

4:55 The Sixers have given up the lead, 105-104. Let’s see what they’re made of.

3:14 Bad, forced shot from Speights, and why is Rodney Carney in the game? It’s like Jordan has a random substitution generator on his blackberry.

2:16 and Carney promptly misses an easy layup, which causes a fastbreak the other way, and a dunk and a foul. Come on Eddie, Rodney Carney shouldn’t be in the game. Why isn’t Elton Brand in the game? I know he’s less athletic and has only had a so-so game, but I’ll take my chances. Let’s win this game Eddie.

1:52 A wide open missed Lou Williams three while down by three is a potential reverse nail in the coffin.

1:23 A second wide open missed Lou Williams three while down by 5 is another one.

1:15 A missed Lou Williams running jumper is Lou attempting his very own Dalemstruction.

:23 Down 4 points, Nash misses a jumper, and the Sixers can’t grab the boad. Good thing we have the athletic Carney down low instead of Brand (sarcasm).

Final – Suns 119 Sixers 115

Well, that’s exactly what I was worried about it. If you try to run with the Suns, you’ve got to be careful, because chances are, they’re better than you at it.

Good to see more of the emergence of Marreese Speights, and very few second half minutes for Sam Dalembert.

Bad to see Lou Williams missing big shots.

I still think there’s talent on this team. I still think they’re going to be a decent team. Eddie Jordan has got to start to really decide on a rotation. I can’t imagine it’s really easy to get into any kind of offensive flow when you never know who’s going to be on the floor.

And someone’s going to have to explain the Carney thing to me.